A Change is going to come... It must!

Greetings everyone! Can you believe that summer is coming to an end very soon?! Well, I can't! But, Fall time is one of my favorite times of the year! All the beautiful colors on the trees, sweaters, boots...OH MY!

Usually on long weekends, I get to have my babies. I have been looking forward to them coming all week! Then I get a text from my Dad (aka Deddy) on Thursday night that he would not be picking them up for the weekend. They had a wedding to attend with their father.  I just blankly stared at the text for a few minutes.  I just knew that they would be here with us this weekend. What am I going to do with myself now?   I decided to try and make the best of this Holiday weekend even though my heart is breaking inside. So, other than random crying spells throughout the day, I have been enjoying myself. I still have a lump in my throat that won't go away and my heart is physically hurting (if that makes any sense).  But, I refuse to sit around and play the moping game. I am not going to have a pity party for myself!  I can't afford too! An addict cannot stay in self-pity, it is dangerous territory! You see, I used to think that I was not allowed to be happy and enjoy life because I don't have custody of my children.  I would always feel guilty for having a good time because I would imagine my babies were somewhere being very sad because their mother had abandoned them. How dare I have fun?! There are 2 children out there being raised by their father because their dope head mother couldn't get it together. I deserve to suffer! That's just some of the things that would go through my head.  And I would be lying to you if I told you that I still don't think like this sometimes.  But then I think about the blood of Jesus Christ! His blood that was shed was for this dope fiend! His blood was shed, so that my children would have an awesomely blessed life with or without their mother! His blood that was shed so that I wouldn't have to walk around in shame and guilt for all of the disgusting things that I have done! His blood was shed so that I could have complete...not 1/4....not 1/2 but COMPLETE restoration of my life! Jesus is watching over my babies when they are not with me. He has angels especially assigned to them.  They are happy and healthy! The God that I serve would not have it any other way!

God has big plans for my little family and me.  I know this! This situation is not permanent! I claim it! Restoration is already in process! So,

Recovery is hard enough, now you tell me I have to change my friends...

When I finally got serious about my recovery, one of the things they told me is that I would have to change old people, places and things.  I had mixed emotions about this concept.  See, I have been blessed in the friend department.  I have a group of ladies that I have been friends with for over 25 years, we grew up together. . Best friends does not seem like adequate words to describe my relationship with them.  I think sisters will suffice.   I also have a group of friends that I met while attending the University of Kentucky that have become some of my best friends. Then I had my "drug" friends, the people that I met along the way because we shared a common interest: getting high. The first two sets of friends were not addicts.  They are able to drink like the "normal" people.  I did get high with some of them, but when it was time to move on, they did. They finished their degrees, established careers, families, etc.  I was the one that was not able to stop and move on with my life.  Some of them got tired of my behavior and stopped speaking to me (not all, but some).  So, when they told me that I had to change my friends, I thought "my drug friends are all that I have left". My "normal" friends either had enough and walked away or I had lost contact with them. And before I go on, I need to say that I don't blame them for removing themselves from my life.  I would have walked away from me WAY sooner then they did.  They gave me hundreds of chances!  I am not confused on who caused the breaks in the friendship, it was ME! So if I gave up my "drug" friends, that left me with nobody and this made me very sad.  One more thing that sobriety was going to force me to do, not have any friends (poor poor pitiful me)....

But as time went on and I worked the program, this concept became more clear and easier to accept.  How am I going to change pretty much everything about me and my life and then go back and hang out with people that were doing the things that  I had worked so hard to stop doing? How would I stay sober hanging around people getting high? I knew that I was going to have to let go of who I considered to be my friends. Mind you, these people were the ones that stole from me, lied to me and much more. We will do what we have to for dope.  And not one of them came and visited me while I was in treatment, so why did I even consider them my friends?! So, I decided that if I would let go of these so-called "friends"! As long as I had Jesus Christ and my sobriety I would be fine, I was sure of it!

Let us fast forward to NOW: You will be happy to know that I have more "real" friends in my life now, then ever before! I have reconnected with all of my childhood friends and my college friends. Even better, now I have a entire new group of friends that I have acquired in recovery and through the work that I do in the community! Strong and beautiful women (and men) that uplift and encourage each other...What could be better?! At any given time I know that I could call on any of these women and they would be there for me!

And new places and things too?

While in treatment this last time, I started thinking about how I would be able to have fun sober. Where am I going to go to have fun?  These people are telling me that I cannot go to and hang out where I used too! What do they expect me to do with myself?!  First of all, I resented the "normal" people that I would see in stores, restaurants, etc. because they seemed so happy.  I thought there is no way these people are happy without some sort of mind-altering chemical. I couldn't figure it out.  I had never been happy or comfortable in my own skin, EXCEPT, when I was high! I just knew that everybody was secretly high! 

But, as I began the transitioning process in treatment, I stepped out of my comfort zone. I joined the gym. I got certified to teach Zumba. I became active in my church. I joined organizations in the community and before I knew it I was having me a life without mind-altering chemicals. It felt good to wake up in the morning and remember what happened the night before. I started to enjoy the little things, like going to the park and reading my Bible.  It is nothing short of a miracle! I am happier now then I have ever been my entire life! If I attend a friend's birthday, I will eat dinner with them, but if they are going to a club or bar afterwards, I go home.  They are okay with that and I am too!  I have no desire to be out and about like that anymore! That is part of my old life, the one that died.  I can not do the same things that you used to do and expect different results (insanity at it's finest)! I can not go the same places that you used to.  One friend said it best when they said "If you go to the barbershop enough times, you are going to eventually get a hair cut"! Plus, I have partied enough for 2 lifetimes!!!

And now.....

Well, I can't leave without showing you some highlights of my little fashion world from this week! My friends have started calling me Kleather Kardashian (they got jokes. HA!).  I am the broke Kardashian sister. Oh well......I am a small town girl, with a small budget, but still manage to be fashionable (in my humble opinion). I hope that you enjoy!

Fringe and Chuck Taylors with American Eagle Jeans!

I ordered this glitter "Wifey" decal from Etsy.  The shop name is glitterandjuls. You can also find her on Instagram @glittersandjuls. She has so many pretty things in her shop. Go check her out: Glitterandjulsshop .I purchased the t-shirt from Wal-Mart for 4.97 and the decal was 8.00 (including shipping). All you do is iron on the decal and boom: FABULOSITY!  That cute bow bracelet came from an online site called Simple Addiction! I paid only 4.97 for it! They have items up to 90% off retail value. Check them out:Simple Addiction.  The other bracelet is from Rue 21 and I don't remember how much I paid, but it was not over 5.00. Necklace came from eBay for about 3.00. Green jeans 5.00 at Walmart. Shoes came from American Eagle

I am not down to the size that I want to be yet, but I decided that this year I was going to go swimming! I want to enjoy my life at whatever size I am! Life is too dag on short not to! Bathing suit and cover-up all from Walmart for under 30.00!

I purchased this dress 2 years ago for the 4th of July at Old Navy. The cardigan is also from Old Navy. Shoes came from the Gap Factory outlet for only 7.00! And the KY necklace is one of my favorite.  It came from Chatty Kathys. They have a lot of cute jewelry. Check it out: Chatty Cathys

I am not really a huge fan of crop tops, but I got this one because of my love for lace.  I got it 2 years ago. The long bow necklace came from Walmart for only 5.00.  Walmart has really stepped up their jewelry game! The shoes are from Rue 21 and I paid 7.00 for them.  I got my baby girl a pair too and she loves them. The round necklace is one that I want to wear everyday and have to stop myself. It is from another online boutique called Chatty Cathys. Check them out: Crystal Feather Boutique.

Now, I am not sure if baby doll dresses are still in, but I really don't care. I love this one! I got it about a year or so ago for about 5.00. I am not sure where though, lol! The distressed jeans came from Walmart. They are jordache. The sandals also came from Walmart. You can't tell from the pick put the color on the sandals are little beads! Too cute! The necklace came from eBay for about 5.00.

 I love this color combo.  The necklace came from an online boutique and they have some beautiful pieces. Check them out: Love Alondrah. The white sweater is from Walmart and I paid 3.00 for it ( I think it was so cheap because it was off season). The ruffled tank is from Old Navy. I am not sure how much I paid for it because I got it like 3 years ago. Shoes came from Rue 21 for 3.00.  Watch came from eBay for 2.00!!! Not bad!

My dear friend Tiffany wanted to be featured on this blog! I am so proud of her for mixing patterns. I LOVE PATTERN MIXING! The florals and stripes go so well together. And she is beautiful inside and out!!!

Well folks, it's a wrap! I hope that you enjoyed it! Peace, love and blessings! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo