This week in Sobriety and Fashion...according to ME!

My Week in Recovery
My loves started school this week! Looking at all of "first day of school" pictures from the proud parents on Facebook was bitter sweet.  I love seeing them, but it still breaks my heart because I am not with mine. The way my visitation is set up, I only get to see them every other weekend and it has to be supervised by my parents. After 3 years of sobriety, their father is not willing to budge! We each have attornies and we are going back and forth right now! I understand that he hates me and I have come to terms with it, however I feel like that he should want both parents in the children's lives. Especially since I have some substantial clean time.  Part of me wants to yell and scream at him and tell him to get over himself...or find him and beat him down with a bat (I am just being honest). But because I work a spiritual program, I know that God is fighting this battle for me! I am not confused on that!  I am willing to hold on for as long as I have to! I walk by faith and not by sight!

I used drugs for about 15 years and have only been clean for 3.  That is only 20% of the time that I used. So, really that's not a whole lot.  I don't expect everyone (or anyone for that matter) to trust me now that I am clean.  I don't live my life trying to prove to everyone that I am a changed woman.  If I was trying to earn everyone's trust back, how would I even go about it? How many good deeds would I have to do for each person? How long would I have to do these deeds? There is no way to measure this.  As I walk this thing out, I know that people will be able to see the changes that have occured within me.  So I do what I do now for God, my sobriety and me (and in that order)! All the other added benefits of staying sober and doing the right thing are what I considered "bonuses". If I don't keep God and my sobriety first, I will lose everything that I love!  In recovery, you have to be selfish and rigid! If you are only staying sober for others (even your kids), you more than likely will not remain that way. Now, if I am having a bad day, I think about my kids, family, etc. do give me the extra "umph" I need to stay on the straight and narrow. But, ultimately I have to love MYSELF enough to stay clean and sober. 


I probably won't get to see my babies until next weekend. They will have completed 1 1/2 weeks of school by then. I will save all of my questions for then: How was your first day? Do you like your teacher? What classes do you have? Is everyone nice? Etc...This makes me sad, but right now I am happy that I will have the chance to ask them.  Heck, before I would not have even cared enough to ask them about school or anything else for that matter! So, I will patiently wait! 

My time is coming...God is in the process of restoring EVERYTHING honey! I know this with everything I have in me!!!


Now, on to the next....FASHION!!!

 

I know that people are probably like what does fashion have to do with sobriety?! Well let me share with you my take on this.

First, I have always loved clothes, shoes, purses, jewelry, etc. As Juvenile would say, I got it from my Momma.  When I started using drugs, I lost myself before I really even  found me.  I started using during my late teens.  I feel like this is the time that women are learning who they are.  Well, drugs consumed most of my time...not to mention the chaos that came along with it. So, after I came off of the drugs, I realized that I didn't know who the heck I was.

That is what I am doing now, learning all about me: what I like/dislike, what I stand for, etc (you get the picture). But the one thing that I know for sure that I loved before my addiction was fashion.  I don't have much money (and never really have), drugs are very, very expensive! So, I have to be cute on a budget! But, I believe that you can look good in Faded Glory at Walmart, just as easy as you can in Michael Khors. I am not ashamed to say that I am not afraid of a good knock-off (if this is wrong, then I don't want to be right). I believe a girl can never have too many clothes, purses, shoes, jewelry, etc.!

I spend a lot of my time working in recovery and it can be very draining. Shopping serves as a major stress reliever for me. I couldn't decide which I would enjoy writing about the most, so I decided on both! 

There are not very many stores to shop at in my little town of Mt. Sterling, KY.  So, I find myself at Rue 21, JC Penny, Hallmark, and Wal-Mart quite often. Can you BELIEVE that we don't have a Target?! I am also OBSSESSED with shopping at online boutiques through Instagram and let's not forget about eBay! You can find just about anything you are looking for on there! I buy a lot of jewelry through eBay.  The downfall is that most of it comes from China, so it can take longer to receive your items! I am happy to report that I have not had to wait over 3 weeks for any jewelry that I ordered.  The quality for the price is great and I have not received any damaged pieces so far. You can get jewelry on there starting as low as $.99 (say what?!). 

My style is all-over-the-place. One day I may be in a cardigan and button down, the next day I may wear a fringed shirt with ripped up jeans. I love dresses and skirts, but I don't wear them much.  I just got into statement necklaces this year. I am obssessed!   I love mixing fancy necklaces with t-shirts and jeans. I love love love distressed denim!I believe in pattern mixing. I don't like everything to be matchy-matchy. I dress according to my mood most of the time! Here is a recap of my week:

American Eagle was having a sale AND free shipping, so I was compelled to order some more jeans! A sista couldn't resist! I paid 29.99 for each!

T-Shirt: Wal-Mart-$7.00/Jeans: American Eagle-24.00/Earrings: Rue 21-4.00/ Necklace: Online Boutique Christy Alexa Boutique-$8.00 She sells through Instagram and her name is @CHRISTYALEXBOUTIQUE /Watch: eBay-$2.00/ Tassle Bracelet: Style this Life's Etsy Boutique-$12.00.  I love Etsy shops.  It allows anyone to sell their products online! Style this Life sells some amazing jewelry.  Her tassle bracelets are cool for numerous reasons: you can chose from silver or gold ,  bangle bracelets, chains, etc.  And then you pick the color tassles you want.  They are interchangeable.  Visit her etsy shop: https:Style This Life

This pic has nothing to do with fashion, but how cute is Wally?! He attends our weekly staff meetings and gives wonderful input!

These beauties came in this week! I ordered them on eBay! I paid $2.00-$3.00 a piece for them! They are decent quality and were delivered to me in less than 2 weeks from China! The one on the top left is at Wal-Mart for $10.00, so I happy that I ordered my online and paid less than half of that for it!

I made it to the gym this week! I used to lift at least 2 times per week, but with my knee injury it's been difficult.  I teach Zumba 3 times per week and that is hard on my knees as well! The Nikes you see in this picture are EVERYTHING!! I got them at Hibbits.  I paid more than I wanted to $112.00, but they were worth every penny.  They are light weight and have great grips on the bottoms, so they are good for lifting and Zumba! I usually get all of my other workout clothes from Wal-Mart! I love Danskin!

Bought my first pair of joggers from Rue 21, they were not on sale! I paid $16.99 and I love them, comfy and cute is a winning combo! I also wore my Kentucky necklace that I ordered from an online boutique named "Chatty Cathy's" for only 13.00. It's one of my faves! The other neckace says "Pretty Please". I picked it up at Rue 21 for only $2.00! The bracelets and t-shirt are old and I don't remember prices. I ordered my Chuck Taylors last year online.

I got these babies for only $.50 each at Sheryl's Hallmark!

Found this on the clearance at Wal-Mart: $5.00. I love camo!!!

I decided to purchase a vest because it was only $7.00 at Rue 21.  I paired it with a black t-shirt and then added a belt. I've kept my camo shoes from Wal-Mart on repeat all week! I paid only $12.99 for them.

Wal-Mart does it again! I can't get enough t-shirts (especially graphic)!  The "#NOFILTER" shirt is perfect for me! God and I are working on my little filter right now! Both shirts were $5.00 each.

Shoes: Rue 21-$7.00/Long Bow Necklace: Wal-Mart-$5.00

Hope that you enjoyed folks! See you next week!

My First Post....Watch out now!

I hope that my story unravels through this blog! I don't want to vomit it all out to you at one time....I prefer a gentler approach! Besides, when you are getting to know someone, it takes time. 

I am sitting here right now, really missing my babies. Breydan is 10 years old and Cain is 9 years old.  You see, back in 2007, while I was on rehab stay #10, my baby's daddy (sounds slightly ghetto, huh?)  aka the father of my children (much better) was able to get permanent custody of our kids.  I know this will be considered shameful to many. But, it is what it is.  Everything in life cost us something and my addiction cost me my babies.  They come and visit on the weekends and stay longer during breaks (Christmas, Spring, Summer, etc).  The longer they stay the harder it is to let them go.  

They left on Wednesday at noon.  They had been here for about a week and a half.  It never gets easier saying goodbye.  My son, Cain, starts getting sad a few days before it's time for him to go back to his dad. His ability to enjoy the time he does have with me is stolen because he is thinking about leaving.   My daughter, Breydan is a lot like her mother, puts on a tough front, but I know that her heart breaks too.

Part of me says you know what, things are not moving fast enough! I have been clean for over 3 years.  I deserve more time with them, I deserve more rights....but as I said before, everything in life cost us something.  I don't get to choose the pace of my progress.  So they will start school on the 13th of this month. They will walk into their classrooms without their mother.  They will be surrounded by parents taking pictures of their friends.  They will see other mothers kissing their children goodbye.  They will probably be sad, but not show it.  As I sit here typing this while the tears flow down my face, I will tell you that each tear is filled with hope.

Things will not always be this way.  As long as I continue to do the next right thing, the next right thing, the next right thing...my life will continue to come together.  Looking back from when I started this last journey on July 22, 2011, when I walked into treatment for the 12th time, I realize so many blessings have occurred in my life.  I have had so many ups and downs, but progress has continued to be made.

I hope that my story will give others courage, strength and hope. I live my life very transparent, so that God can use me to help others. There are so many like me, with similar stories.  I work with these people everyday.  I see how addictions has destroyed so many families! Working on the other side is so humbling. Three years ago I was each and every addict that is in the rehab facility I work in. I also see hope, love, joy, and restoration on a daily basis. I thrive on it! It keeps me going one day at a time...